A Day in the Life

A list of the unfortunate daily rituals of one unpublished writer:

• Wake and identify excellent new plot points for story. Feel enthusiastic.
  
• Drink coffee while waking household to a bright new day. Think about exciting new ideas for story.
  
• Make 3,478th sack lunch for child.
• Argue heatedly with boisterous 10 year old son about weather appropriate clothing, politics, God, the pros/cons of sword fighting near a hot stove, the NerfGun dart that is stuck to the back of my neck, and what shoes he will wear (he will make the WORST choice).
  
• Use threats, coercion and bribery to successfully send son off to school.
• Chastise self for good measure.
  
• Search memory for new plot points identified that morning. Fail to locate them.
• Chastise self for good measure - again.
  
• Despair over writing career.
  
• Drink coffee and read email.
• Open Story on laptop.
  
• Suddenly think of something else that needs to be done right away.
• Do that other thing.
• Return to desk.
  
• Read Huffington Post.
• Consider blogging but feel inadequate for the task.
  
• Stare interestedly at toenails. Consider seeking emergency pedicure. Remember vow to stop all self-indulging behaviors until first book is published. Ha.
  
• Talk to dogs about problems.
  
• Think fondly of the days when cigarette smoking was cool. Pat self on back for quitting years ago while secretly fantasizing about making smoke rings.
  
• Pluck eyebrows thoroughly (as if this is actually possible).
• In an effort to justify lack of creativity (and to avoid having to actually WRITE), read and edit Story pages written to date.
  
• Have a snack and wonder if it is too early for a glass of wine.
• Experiment with new Epi-Lady on legs and armpits. Yeouch!
  
• Have another snack.
• Drink coffee.
  
• Drink coffee.
• Drink coffee.
  
• Re-read Huffington Post.
• Day dream.
• Nap.
• Drink coffee.
  
• Call a friend to talk about her problems.
  
• Go for walk or run or do yoga and day dream the entire time.
• Use positive self-talk to pull myself together.
  
• Sit down at desk again and disconnect from the internet.
• Despair of ever writing a complete story much less publishing one.
• Take a deep breath. Exhale.
• Begin, finally, to write.
• Write and write and write until that subtle shift occurs and I am lost in the sea of my dreams.
• Start over the next day.